when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
