Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
