He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
cat food counts as protein by the way
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
