i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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