I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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