hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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