2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
