At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
