Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
