I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
