Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
