How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
