Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize