Sorry, I don't speak sober.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize