Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
