Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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