I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
