do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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