i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
