id be glad to
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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