babies were throwing up all over the place
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
