You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
