wanna go halves on a baby?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he told me I talked like a deaf person
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
