I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my being single is dangerous.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
