I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
