there was a trapeze. enough said
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
