I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
