I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
