what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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