meet me or not, i'm out of control
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
