there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.