well I can't set my house on fire every night
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.