walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
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Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
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I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten