North Korea, Best Korea!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
