Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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