so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
