I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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