i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
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Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
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woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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