Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
When did angry sex become our thing?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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