the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize