It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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