you guys were way drunker than both of me
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize
