My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
