Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
