I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
