you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
