my vag is so smooth its legendary
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
