I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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