Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
