I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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