I've blown a few things in my day
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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