omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
