My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize