I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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