my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
