I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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