I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
