we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
