I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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