Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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