turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
