Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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