Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
